To Ferberize or not to Ferberize...that is the question

So I guess every parent gets to the point where they make the decision that (if their child(ren) don't sleep through the night) it's time to take some action. It's amazing that the second question I get asked after "how old is he?" is, " is he sleeping through the night yet?" Then I have to hear about their kids that slept through the night at 8 weeks or from birth (is that even possible) or whatever.

Our son is 5 1/2 months old and we have been having some sleep issues. I'm sure by writing this post, I will jinx all the hard work and success we've had over the past week or so..."paranoia will destroy ya".

Anyway, we were struggling with napping throughout the day - 1/2 hour naps or 4-5 short naps a day and then up a million times in the night. If N could talk, I'm sure he was saying "Um, can one of you two help me, I've seemed to have lost my soother again." So we came to a point where we wanted to get sleep. We've had many friends that have used The Ferber Method with success and others who have been lucky and their kids just slept through the night with very little or no intervention.

We decided to do a little research and have effectively (someone knock wood with me) Smitherized our son. We have combined three different and extreme opposite sleep plans into one and made it our own.

1) The Ferber Method - basically the jist of it is putting your child down sleepy or almost asleep and leaving the room. In essence you are teaching him/her to learn to fall asleep on his/her own. When the crying starts, you wait a predetermined amount of time, go in for 1-2 minutes for reassurance and leave again to wait another increased predetermined time. Then back in and out for a third increased time and then in & out for the same amount of time as the third until your child falls asleep on his/her own (ideally, while you are out of the room). So we started with 1 minute, then 3, then 5. The next night you increase your intervals and should have success after a few days to 2 weeks. The intervals work for us because we both wanted to go in almost immediately, so it forces you to stay out and let the child work things out.

When you go in, you're not supposed to pick them up...OK. But what we didn't like from the recommendations is that you're not supposed to touch them, pat their back, kiss them, etc. Also, you leave the room after 1-2 minutes whether they are still screaming uncontrollably or not. Also, "if your child vomits (from crying) go in, clean it up very matter factly without picking them up and leave the room immediately after." More research necessary...

2) The Baby Whisperer (Tracy Hogg) - She is almost the polar opposite to Ferber. She suggests putting the baby to bed in an almost asleep state as well and also waiting intervals of some sort, although she's not very definitive about what they should be and then she suggests when you go into the room to calm your child by patting his/her back and saying "sh sh sh sh" constantly. This combination is similar to the womb and apparently calming. She also suggests that after the baby is calmed you "observe" for a minute before leaving the room again, and repeat. We liked the calming him and observing part...even if we are leaving when he's still in some sort of awake stage.

We also liked her teachings about watching for the three sleep stages. 1) rubbing eyes and yawning, 2) the "seven-mile stare" and 3) the slow eye blinks (nodding off). It really helped to know those signs. All babies do this? you ask...yes they do. There will be 3-5 slow blinks before they fall asleep and this is when you put them in the bed. She describes this as a 7 on a scale of 1-10; 1 being totally awake and 10 being comatose.

3) The no-cry sleep solution (Elizabeth Pantely) - I didn't find an actual method here. Pantely suggests to do what works for you without letting them scream it out. She did say whatever you decide to do, you must be totally ready to do it and to not look back...so true. So if you enjoy the 2 AM feed or having your child in your bed or rocking him/her to sleep...then you're not ready to commit to any sleep method.

What we liked about her book was the various sleep helpers. She had some tips on how to get your child to nap longer. Our son had two 1/2 hour morning naps and she suggests that a child needs at least an hour, so she suggested camping outside their room close to the usual waking time and going in as soon as they stir to put them back to sleep with whatever method works for you...the soother is ours...at the moment.

She also has a seemingly great method for getting rid of the soother, which we haven't tried yet, but will. But it's a lot gentler and gradual than the Ferber "take it out and don't give it back method".

All encourage a set bedtime and solid bedtime routine that should never change. We do bath, close the blinds and turn on the music with N while talking about going to sleep, turn on his little lamp, feed him his bedtime bottle and read 3 books before relaxing him to a "7" and putting him to bed. Naptime is similar without the bath and bottle. After he wakes, we open the blind and turn off the stereo (the music is long done, but it's part of the routine). He has even started reaching for the blinds to "help" open or close them.

Smitherized: So our combination is the timed intervals from Ferber with the calming back patting and 1-minute observation from The Baby Whisper along with the napping suggestions from Pantley.

Whatever method you decide to use, you have to be comfortable with what you are doing. Don't just do it to get rest, but be uncomfortable with the reaction your child is giving you or wish you were doing something different, because you will probably give up and be more miserable. We have had success (please knock wood with me again). I must go now, as N is up from his ...a solid hour and a half...WOO HOO (again with the knocking of the wood, please).