Catholic guilt is the worst kind...

I feel guilty, guilty, guilty. Logic tells me it's "new mother guilt" and I know it's normal, but I still feel guilty. You see, I am going back to work soon (early 2007) and Bubba is going into full-time care. Finding full-time daycare is a very streesful event and I didn't actually think it was going to happen. One mom at our Mom & Tots swim class exclaimed that she had "put her son on every waiting list possible when she was three months pregant". Great...I'm never going to find daycare...or so I thought.

Last week it all came together. I found two within 15 minutes of my husband's office (he will be the primary picker-upper and dropper-offer as I have a unpredictable schedule). Then a day after finding those two, I got a call from one whose waiting list we were on which is 3 minutes from C's office. It's clean, we like the location and if the teachers pan out that we meet next week, then I will give them our money. So it looks like Bubba has care...I should be happy right?

So why do I feel so damn guilty??? I would love to be staying at home with him, but we're not in a position right now for that. I left the daycare last night with a great impression but I still felt guilt about having to leave him there - no Mommy or Daddy sightings for an entire day. Will he be ok? How will this affect him long-term? The feeling of almost despair similar to the one when we left him for the first night with the foster family and had to come back home, snuck back in.

I feel guilty that we have to put in full-time daycare. I feel guilty that I am going to have to work. I feel guilty that we will have less time together. I feel guilty (and a bit jealous) that I won't be able to drop him off and pick him up. I feel guilty because maybe I haven't done enough stuff with him the past 8 1/2 months. Should I have put him in more programs? Should I have been more diligent about saving and stayed off longer or forever. Should I have blogged while he played quietly on the floor...what kind of mother does that!!! These types of things keep me awake at night (besides Bubba).

So, thank you to my mother for instilling that wonderful Catholic guilt! Am I normal??? On second thought, don't anser that.

Holy POOP Batman!!!

Remember when I thought poop was cute. Well, not so much anymore. I used to brag to the other new moms..."we've never had an up-the-back-poop". "You're so lucky", they'd say. You see, Bubba is a bottle fed baby, so the poop stays contained in the diaper. Nice.

When Bubba was introduced to solids...no change. Everyone said, "You're day is coming." But, it never did...until yogurt!

Now we have at least one "up-the-back-poop" daily. We average 4 poops a day and Mr. Mobile has decided that staying still for a diaper change is ABSOLUTELY out of the question. I have put my hand in more poop than I care to think about. It is no longer cute for his sock to go in the poop!

Not my favourite part of parenting, I must confess. Off to do the universal poop check...nose to bum. Admit it you've all done it.